if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
