i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
