Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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