fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
