I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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