Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
