um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The ass gains better be worth it
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