Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
