So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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