Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize