Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
