Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
