My first STD was from a foam party
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
