I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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