yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
