please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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