It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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