As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
