I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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