Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
