even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
