Can Purell be used as lube?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
