you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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