I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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