I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
