Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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