who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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