Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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