Swine flu. Run for my life!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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