Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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