pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
