i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
