woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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