I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize