i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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