2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I love you.
Bad choice
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