Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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