Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
