i can't believe i had my finger in that
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
