JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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