hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
