I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
