he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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