Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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