Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
