I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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