I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
