my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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