My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm at about main and main street
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Rumble strips road head = magical
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
