He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Please, let me fuck your mom
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
