Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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