Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?