we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
