he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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