Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
