She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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