My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just pee around me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
