I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
is wine microwaveable?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
