my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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