His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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