Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
