What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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