My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
