the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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