Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
