So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
