i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
