you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
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Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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